Neena jadi ibu selama 4 jam sahaja.

Ok. Time to talk about yesterday's larger than life experience. I took a maswings flight from BTU to KCH  at 1235hrs. Touched down, grab my luggage and berlari-lari anak terhuyung-hayang sambil menyandang beg yg sangat berat. Rushed to the AirAsia check in counter to check in for Penang. And surprise, surprise....excess luggage, RM40 terbang melayang di tengah padang. So I went to the other counter to pay and waited in line.

The culprit that made dents on my shoulders. And made me pay RM40.

Here's where it all began. As i waited, someone tapped on my shoulder yg sdg menaggung beban backpack berat, and asked.

Nak balik penang ke?

Mmm...ha'ah. Penang check-in blah sana.

Eh tak, ni akak balik Penang kaa...

Ha'ah.

Aaa...tak, sebenaqnya, sy nk mintak tolong....Tolong pegang anak sy ni. Bawak naik flight.

She was holding a newborn in her arms.

I panicked. What does she mean? Wat muka blur jap.

Bole tak akak tolong dukung dia dalam flight, nnt sy bayar tambang dia.

HAH?? tak paham? Abih dia nk pi mana?

Someone came and said something to her and someone else said to me.

Dia ada masalah keluarga. Suami dia xjd blk. Patutnya suami dia blk skali bole dukung anak dia. Dia ada sorang lg anak kecik umur setahun lebih. Xde org nk pegang baby.

Immediately I let out a sigh of relief and said

Oooo....boleh boleh boleh. Xde masalah. =)

Sebenarnya dah excited tak hingat sbb bole pgg baby lama2 for once hihi =p

So the girl, which i found out later is 23yrs old, came back to me and said

Boleh tak kak? Saya kena bwk anak sy lagi sorang. Akak tolong letak dia ni atas riba nnt.

Bolehhh...=) Brapa umur dia? Dh sebulan blom? 

33 hari.

Oooo...baru nyer lagi......

Ha'a. Terpaksa blk. Tp ayah dia pulak xjd blk. Kalu tak, ayah dia yg pegang. Tapi dia cancel last minute.

Me, registered with an infant hahah!!

And then I helped carry the baby as she went to help the other woman, who turned out to be her sister in-law, to check in and stuff. A few minutes holding the baby, people around me started giving me double takes and one woman actually asked me how old the baby was. I answered and she asked whether I was still in confinement. BAHAHAH!!!! I had to explain that I'm not the baby's mother huhuhu.

But from that moment on, I became the baby's mommy hahah!! She was in my arms from before check in, masa scan barang, masa check pasport/ic, masa jalan pg Gate 1, masa queue nk boarding.

Masa nk scan barang tu, pakcik polis tolong bukakkan back pack. And sandangkan blk backpack. Merasa perasaan ibu2 yg ada anak kecik. Hihihihi.

Tp yg plg siksa sbb back pack bapak berat. And I was also carrying the mom's handheld bag (quite heavy too hihi) anddd my sling bag. With the baby in my arms. Kesian baby... I have to juggle her while I was switching and adjusting the bags hanging all over my body. She was restless. Kesian giler.

And finally, after a painstakingly long queue to board the plane, at last we're in. And guess what. The mom's seat was at 9E, and mine was 28F. What-am-i-gonna-do!! Terpaksa pg jugak sbb ada ramai org kat blakang. Smpt mintak susu baby je. Lupa nk mintak pampers eh diapers.

Benci gila dpt seat belakang. I have this thing about sitting at the back of airplanes. Kemungkinan untuk get sick and muntah adalah agak tinggi. Risau giler. Harap-harap baby behave. Neena tolong jgn muntah atas baby T_T.

Well she didn't. She sleeps and wakes up crying every 5minutes. NOT KIDDING. Nasib baik dpt tdokan blk everytime. Tp dia mmg akan bangun byk kali jgk. It's the air pressure. Dia tak selesa. Skt telinga kot. KESIAN. I kept staaaring at her masa dia tido. She has eyebags under her eyes. I can feel that she's stressed. Sedih tgk dia. Poor poor baby. Masa tu dh loya2. Baru tingat xmkn lagi. Dh kol 3.45. Perut ada roti canai pg td je. Seb baik ada sandwich from my previous maswings flight. Terus amik sandwich sumbat dlm mulut cepat2.

Suddenly i felt it. Prroooooooooottttttttt.. Baby berak hahaha...Muka dia dh merah menangis mintak tukar pampers. I quickly panggil steward yg lalu.

Excuse me, bole tolong tak. Mintak pampers kat pompuan yg dok kat seat 9E? Baby berak hihi... Thank you.

Pastu the mom pn datang to the rescue. So me, the mom, baby and big sister semua masuk lavatory. Nsb baik xsmpt nk claustrophobic ms tu. The mom changed baby's diapers, and terus nurse the baby while i layan big sister. Gila aktif budak tu. Uuiihhh...nk bukak pintu, nk cuci tgn, nk dukung, nk masuk tgn dlm toilet bowl, nk bukak kasut, nk pasang kasut.

Lps tu, thankfully, ada seat kosong kat depan, so we can all sit in one row. Baby sambung nursing lagi. Mmg kuat menyusu, patutla merengek. Masa duduk sama tu, she told me more about herself and her family. I pity her. Listening to her made me thankful. All the while, si kakak ni xbole duduk diam pulak. I had to put my leg across the side to stop her from getting to the isle.Dok turun naik kerusi, suh bukak kasut, pakaikan kasut lg haha, Koyak2 menu and pamphlet, tarik rambut baby...fuyoh. Nk kena babab ni. Nasib baik anak org ngehngeh. Mmg penyabar la mak dia. Dgn baby yg tak habis2 lagi menyusu badan dari kuar toilet td. 10 minutes before landing baru I pegang blk baby I ngehehe while she takes care of big sister.

Dh sampai. Masih terkial-kial jalan bawak baby dgn tiga beg keliling pinggang. Rasa mcm christmas tree pn ada. Byk ornaments. Dh terel giler pgg baby sebelah tgn. Mmg prektis takhingat laa....=p Siap bole ambik angkat bagasi lg smbl memegang baby. Tetiba sebak rasa mcm ibu tunggal =(.

Lps tu, ingatkan dh nk berlalu pg amik taxi blk hotel. Tp org yg amik mereka2 ni xsmpi lg. Baby pulak meragam. Si kakak spt biasa berlari ke sana ke mari tanpa henti. TANPA HENTI. Sian mak dia xhabis pantang lg dok kejar dia, dukung dia. Hadoiiihh...sedih.

So I stayed for almost an hour with them, juggling the 2 kids. Tuka2 shift dgn the mom. Ya Allah. Baru 2 org, dh rasa mcm nk pengsan. Baru jaga kejap. Mcm mana ni? Can I be a good mom? Tetiba bermonolog sendirian. Risau dgn masa dpn anak sendiri nnt wakaka!! Mampukah aku??

So that was my day yesterday. After they went, I purchased a taxi ticket and bought a MILO McFlurry. TAKBOLEHTAHAN! Sedap giler dowh. Lg sdp dr cornetto and oreo. ^.^ And I smiled a tired smile all the way to the hotel.

 Panjang la pulak citer. Can't wait to read this again a few years from now. Kenangan beb.

Like in the movies

Today, i had my very first experience with a shrink. Whoa. Doesn't matter how i ended up seeing a shrink, just don't start getting any ideas that i'm going psycho or something. LOL. Even if i am, it's nothing new for me...lmao.

So i felt like i was some character in a movie. Minus lying down on a couch, that is, =_=". It was...hmmm more or less like i've always imagined. Somewhat overwhelming, to say the least. But it was quite an interesting experience. It's nice having someone listen to you for a change. Cause I prefer to see myself as a listener, instead of the one being listened to.
Would i do it again? Maybe not anytime soon =p.

The tough gets going

Hi! What's up people!!

Hope November has been treating u well.

Can't wait for PENANG this weekend. Will be attending the ICD Coding course for 

FIVE DAYS STRAIGHT!! 

FROM EIGHT TO FIVE EVERYDAY!!

Hoping it will be a fun trip. A chance to unwind...kan kan kan???!!!

Uuuuu since we're talkin about work, I have an assistant now yayy!! (bajet mcm bos besar je ada assistant bagai. Harap jgn terpedaya)

I don't run a one-man-show anymore yayyyy!! Thank God for Syiqin =). Now that I have her, I no longer feel suffocated and helpless. Getting ready for work is not that much of a drag anymore. My work has become a lot more organized already! After only 4 days! Hoping it will stay that way woohooo!! 

Sikit lagi nk merasa berenang dlm lautan kertas yg melimpah ruah. Kesian pokok. 

Now I don't have to worry my crazy little head off, whenever i'm on leave or when i have to go on courses like the one I'm going to next week. That's a big-ass burden being lifted off my already hunched shoulders. 

SEMBAB

pernah tak anda menangis sampai lebam? sampai demam? kalau xpernah boleh cuba.

prolly one of the hardest to publish

They say you'll never know if you don't try. There's no harm trying. Well darlin',

It's easier said than done.
I'm talking about relationships bytheway..

Don't get me wrong here, I love watching happy people being happy.

But with happiness comes sacrifices. You have to give something to get something back in return. But not everyone is strong enough to understand and say out loud that in the end, all of it will be worth the risk.

That is one of the reasons why i've always lived like this. I prefer to
keep a comfortable distance.
 I can't remember when did I put up this invisible wall around me. Guess you can say that I'm sorta content with loneliness that I don't feel too much of it anymore. I'm so used to it that it doesn't bother me anymore. Maybe once in a while, but not so much. The secret? God, family and friends.

Does any of these sound familiar?

Now I just have to find my only exception. Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. I really don't have a clue. I leave it all in the hands of The Almighty. He knows me more than I know myself.

I feel like summing it all up this way. Instead of just asking "Do you love me?", maybe we should add "Do you think I'm gonna be worth the risk?" for good measure. What do you think?

I know i sound paranoid. Hahah!! Just one of the weird issues i have with myself. Me and my insecurities T____T. Still trying to get over it. I'm sure I will. Someday, InsyaAllah.

"And I'm on my way to believing". Help me believe.