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September 12, 2013

Anxiety disorder

Penat. These attacks are getting out of hand. The mere thought of something that particularly scares me...like deadlines, or being late, will send my little heart on a race, 180 kms per hour. Like i just did 10 laps in an olympic-sized swimming pool. Like now. Baru fikir je, dah laju. Lately i have this habit of just thinking about "being nervous" just before bed time and next thing i know, i'm gonna spend a few minutes getting my heart to beat normally before i can safely fall asleep. It's tiring, mind you. Exhausting. 


I'm a naturally nervous person. I think most of my friends can agree to this. But as i grow, it has become a lot worse. Just yesterday, my heart was beating so fast, i broke into cold sweats and my body was shaking all over. Tak tipu. About an hour later i ended up crying my eyes out because of one tiny little thing. The anxiety overwhelms me like i can never imagine. Even as i type this, i can honestly say that my heart is racing. Something far from normal for someone who's in a resting position, with nothing to be nervous about in particular. These thoughts. They drive me crazy. I can feel how much it's draining my energy most days, and how it's slowly taking over my life. 
Then again, i should probably get tested for thyroid disease. But i'm such a wimp. 

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