Pre-wedding jitters

Hold on. Before any of you starts getting any ideas, no I'm not getting married. Not any time soon, at least.

Now that we have that sorted out, let's talk. My childhood bestie is getting hitched. Next month. On the 13th. And I know it sounds ridiculous, but i think I'm experiencing a some sort of pre-wedding depression.

We grew up together, I've known her since before i even started kindies. Sleepovers, countless bike rides, alley adventures, birthday parties, tuition classes, piano classes, neighbourhood pranks, crazy dog chase, video games, Mount Kinabalu climb, home made ice creams, swimming pool weekends, matching outfits, pengawas yg suka ambik kesempatan, jammed-school-toilet-door catastrophe, Mother's day recitals, making up corny songs, and who can forget, stupid secret clubs (Creative Creaters Club? OMG we even have our own oath and membership cards and everything T_T)

And then, when we were 15, her family moved to Melaka. That was really hard for me. I was so used to walking across the road to her house for no reason at all. I miss dialing her house number that i still know by heart. I felt so alone. She's always been a part of me. I mean, my mom made us wear matching mickey mouse tights for goodness sake! LOL.

We kept in touch, we wrote letters... And then I flew to Sabah, she flew to Australia. E-mail, Friendster, Facebook. That was it. We meet up a few times every now and then. Either i flew over or vice versa.

And now..we're both turning 29. 

One day, just before dinner, I received a picture via whatsapp. Of her and her mother and two other Makciks. One of the makciks were slipping a ring on her finger.

Don't get me wrong, of course I'm happy for her. It's like when your sister/brother gets married, you're bound to get more or less depressed right? I mean, that's when you begin to realize that everything will never be the same again. That's when you remember all the good times you used to have. That's what's going on with me right now. Memories and the inevitable future are all jumbled up in my head and all i can do is just march forward. One step at a time, kan. 

It's happening very soon and I have to buckle up. I can't wait! Tapi i have to admit i'm sort of dreading it at the same time. Mixed feelings la senang cerita. Whatever it is, I will try not to break down and cry my eyes out...too much ( But where's the fun in that?) haha... and plus, I'm the pengapit. 

Please don't faint.

I gave myself quite a scare last week. I almost passed out.

It was like any other day, i was at my desk, staring at the computer screen, doing the things i do everyday.

When all of a sudden, I felt a slight headache coming. Not really a headache, but my head was...spinning. I tried to ignore it for awhile, thinking it was nothing, took a sip of water, and continued with what i was doing. It won't go away, so i drank some more, and rested my head for a while. No, it was definitely not working.

So I made my way to the toilet (even swayed a bit). When i came out of the toilet, still there. I rushed back to my office and tried to calm myself down. A few deep breaths... Still nothing. The world was spinning really fast and i have no idea how to stop it! So i finally gave up.

I took my keys, lock my office, and hurried to the registration counter. ( I work at a hospital). My friends thought i was about to ask them for something related to work, so they smiled and even started a light chit chat with me. I was already panicking. They thought i was playing around, pretending to be a patient. I asked to see the doctor. I remember they said something about my face being pale and quickly hand me a little form to fill. I only manage to write my name. I couldn't think. I was having chills all over. I was about to pass out like, any minute now!! HELP!

Suddenly my friend came over with a wheelchair and ushered me to sit on it. I hesitated for a second thinking i don't need it. I just couldn't think straight. They rushed me to the ER and sat me on the bed. My heart was beating so fast i started talking nonsense. Scary. The doctor began asking me questions while my nurse-friends were busy checking my blood pressure and stuff.

After a while, after much help from my friends, i managed to calm myself down. My head finally stopped spinning, and the feeling of faint gradually disappeared. They did an ECG test on me. Mind you, it was QUITE embarrassing having the ECG done by your own colleague. But i don't know which one's worse. Orang yang kita kenal ke, orang yang kita tak kenal. Still, it was quite an ordeal. Hahahaha. The keyword is "button-up shirt". Trust me.

So i was ok in the end. Malu jugak since a few of my friends/colleagues came over to see what was wrong with me. Words were going around (via Whatsapp) that Neena was wheeled to the ER! Huhu.. Alhamdulillah. It was prolly just my hemoglobin count being lower than my usual low. Did a full blood test the next day and this came out.

No surprise there.

My hb count was probably lower the day before, which was why i almost fainted. Nothing much i can do about it anyway. I've always been "sort of anemic". And i will be "sort of anemic" for the rest of my life. Sekarang kalau pening sikit dah risau dah. Haha cuak kot. I've never fainted before and i'm not planning to start now. InsyaAllah, amin. Take care, people. Really.

For you, yes you.

Considering the fact that i'm still living with my parents, the group of friends that i have around me at the moment, are at the very minimal. Since i'm back in my hometown, my friends are mostly my childhood friends. The ones i've known since kindergarten. No kidding. And since we practically grew up together, i'd say we're quite close. But then again, maybe not so much because right after we finished school, naturally, all of us went our separate ways.

And to be honest i think the years AFTER that was when we really GREW in an even bigger sense of the word. What i'm trying to say is, the friends we made during our late teens to early 20s are the different kind of friends. Even more so, we lived together, away from our parents. We survived together. Wake, sleep, study, go hungry, stay up late, be broke, together. I believe that made the bond stronger. But this is just my opinion, of course.

And then there's another point in my life, when i started living on my own, a while after i graduate. Almost the same kind of circumstances. But this time, in a much bigger scale. With a lot more responsibilities. Job, house rent, groceries, car, bills and what-have-yous. The friends i made around this time were, like me, on their way to pave their own paths to the adult life. Finding stability. Some found it in a significant other, some found it in their career, some found it in academic, some, still finding. Fortunately for me, these friends are the same ones that i made in my early twenties. And plus a bunch of great new ones!

And now that I'm back in my hometown. Where my life rarely goes out of the routine, my friends are just my colleagues. My childhood friends who are now all happily married, well we kinda grew apart because of the different lives we lead.

So since i rarely go out with my friends aka my colleagues, my life basically revolves around my family. As much as i love spending time with my family, i need a some kind of escape, every once in a while. i'm only human after all. So i began making new friends on Twitter. It's amazing. Then i started making friends on Instagram too! I would never have imagined. This day and age, anything's possible. Lol! I even managed to meet one of them. How cool is that! I have a few that i've become quite close with that i wish i could meet, someday. Hopefully, insyaAllah.

Thank you, friends. Each and every one of you. You won't believe how big of an impact you have in my life. We may not talk anymore, or chat on facebook anymore, just know that i appreciate you. All of you, have helped made me the person that i am today. I thank Allah for lending you to me, and i pray that Allah will make things easier for you, wherever you are. May we be blessed in this world and the hereafter, Amin.

In God's will.

It couldn't have possibly been a year. I mean really? Really??!
Will you look at the size of that dust bunny.

Ok. Obviously, I'm bad at this. This whole keeping-up-with-my-schedule thing. Ah, well. Not much have happened anyway. Everyday it's the same old things. And I'm just about this close to exploding from the dullness of it all. I need to do something about it. I know. What's new. But being a single woman, with protective parents (for my own good, of course), there are a lot of things i need to consider. To make sure I keep my parents' headaches and anxiety at bay, to make sure they won't be worried sick about me.

So here's the plan. I'm thinking of making a few changes in my life. A few tweaks here and there. Something I've always wanted to do my whole life. I've sorta received a green light from le parents, so... the only thing left to do now is wait/ work for the right moment. Get everything settled, tie every loose ends, till I'm good to go. WHEN? I have absolutely no idea.

It's a giant step. A very tough, challenging one for sure. And the best (or worst) part about it is... i'm diving into it headfirst. Of course I'll be somewhat prepared, but this is different. This is new. This is me. There's gonna be a whole new chapter with fresh pages for me to write in. This time, with lots and lots of illustrations :).

Pray for me? Please and thank you ^_^

It's gonna be a heck of a ride. And I'm glad I'm gonna be sharing this with a confidante. InsyaAllah.

An 'open letter' to Ajie Chem

Hello Jie, by the time you read this, you are already someone's wife. A wife to another friend of mine. I'm so very happy for you. Can't believe it's been a little more than 8 years, I've been waiting for this day for THAT long. And i'm glad it's finally happened. I was there when it all started, and tomorrow, I will be there when it....starts again. A whole new chapter. A new beginning. InsyaAllah. And hopefully I'll be there to meet your children, and your children's children ;p. InsyaAllah.

I'm so happy for you. Both of you. (pause jap, sebak...)

I wish all the best for both of you. It won't always be easy, you know better. But Allah will help you along the way, my friends. Be strong, hold on. For each other. I will always pray for the best. For all my friends.

Selamat Pengantin Baru. Semoga perkahwinan anda berdua berada di bawah lindungan Allah selalu.

Love, Neena Kemp.

Can't sleep.

It's 1:00 am and i can't sleep. And i have work tomorrow. Yes on a saturday. I work half day on saturdays.

So as i was saying, i've been tossing and turning, but my mind is still wide awake. I keep thinking about...things. Nonsense. Mostly. Teeny tiny little things that aren't supposed to matter but they bother you, still. I can't put my finger on exactly what they are but they're there. All jumbled up in my head. Lingering. Hanging. Auff.

I guess you can tell that i'm actually just typing away here. I don't really know what i'm talking about. I'm not making any sense but i keep going anyway. You shouldn't be reading this cause if you are, you're better off doing something else. Like watching the paint dry or something. Or have some nuggets or something.

I'm actually typing this with one eye closed. You see i'm myopic. But this rabunness has become so bad that without my glasses, i can't even read unless the thing's a few inches, say 15cms, away from my nose. And i have to focus with only one eye because the degrees for each eyes are relatively different. In short, i go juling without my glasses.

I'm babbling aren't i. Ok i better sleep now. Getting dizzy typing and seeing with only one eye. Plus silau summore in this darkness. Goodnight.

Here's my window. No edit, no filter. Just, window.

You reckon?

I reckon i should start blogging again. I want something to look back to as i go along. Some memories i can hold on to, not just vaguely in my head, and not exactly on print, either. Just here, floating around on the internet. Forever.

But mostly because i have access to my blog account on my phone now so i ran out of excuses NOT to update my blog (unless i don't have internet or the line's sucky 'fcourse). But i foresee my entries are gonna be shorter this time around. First, cause i'll be composing on my phone. Second, cause i'm so used to twitter already. But, i'll see what i can do ;p. So yeah.

Hmm..I have tons of unpublished drafts since yesteryear so i might come up with old, outdated news somewhere along the line. So, check out them old calender if you're interested. Cause i'll prolly publish them as per the date i drafted them so i won't get my chronology mixed up. Or something.
Till next time! Chiao!

Me and my uncoordinated self

I'm definitely a pro when it comes to embarrassing myself in front of everybody. But my specialty is of course, slipping and falling.

Ok.
Let me just list down a few off the top of my head.

In UMS alone,

• I once fell in front of the library. Was walking alone at the time and I was quite sure nobody was looking.
• I stumbled and fell hard and hurt my knee on my way up the stairs to my hostel room.
• I knocked myself silly (with a BIG LOUD BANG) after I ran my head into a huge stupid sign board. (on my defense, the sign board was too low and i was walking with my head down) My friends were practically rolling with laughter for what seemed like hours.
• And a few others..

One time I fell right outside the back entrance of Low Yat. And when I say Low Yat, u can bet there were many witnesses. And I fell to a prostrate position summore. Sujud ngkau. Lutut lebam sebulan. Sakit weyh time nak sujud betul-betul. Hahah!!

And just a few days ago I fell, not before I did a bit of some wiggly wobbly dance routine, on a bowling lane. Right after I released my ball down the lane.

*Maybe there's no need to mention I've also proudly threw the bowling ball backwards a coupla times before*

May I remind u that those were just SOME of my unfortunate moments. The truth is, these things happen to me ever since I can remember. Having scraped my knee ALMOST EVERYTIME I started running.

Dulu, laa...

Uuuuu...!! I remembered another one that happened end of last year. I got run over by a kid. The kid was on a bicycle. With training wheels. At the main entrance of a shopping mall in Penang. I nearly kissed the floor. No kidding. I was holding an open umbrella. Imagine.


Anyhoo, I came across this blog where the writer shares this wonderful trait with me. Her latest 'incident' cracks me up BIG TIME. I can totally relate.

And I think you should read it too. Lawak giler dowh. HERE. ^_*

I'm thinking my abnormally small feet have something to do with my terrible balance. But I'm not too sure =p

It makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

Nice photography of muslim women like this, is quite rare on the net. 

Know what my favourite part of this picture is? The scarf around the bag. And the bag. Simple n nice. Baju dia pn cantik. Simple. Xde corak apa pon. Hihi.

Hijabi Girls Trailer from alexandra viets on Vimeo.

Just found out about this video. It's pretty cool. Never knew there IS such a film.

So the truth is, women are like precious gems. Yes we are! hihi...

If you have something so precious and so incredibly expensive and so impossibly rare, would you leave it out in the open?

OF COURSE NOT! You would keep it safe in a locked box, maybe even in a bullet proof safety vault!

If you were to show it off pun, you would surely protect it with the highest possible level of protection, siap ada laser-laser lg kat tepi2 dia, dgn pakcik guard duduk sebelah pegang senapang. Kan?! 

That's how we women ARE! GOD asked us to cover to protect us. Because we are special. *Ehem* It was never an act of oppression, like what you see on International TV.

So long as we understand the fact that whatever it is that God ask us to do is for our own good, we're good.

Like images of Virgin Mary, Mother Teresa, and many other pious women all over the world. There must be a reason why they cover, right? And they're definitely not oppressed.
^_^

Halololohhhh Omel Omel nyer dierrr...meghelip tawww.

 I constantly have to remind myself of this. Because we are all learning, every second of the day. For we are merely human. We make mistakes, we rebel, we forget. But there's always chance to improve. ALWAYS.

BEFORE the day we breath our last breath. BEFORE the world crumbles into teeny-tiny pieces and dissappear entirely until all that is left is God alone. The one and only Allah. And only after that, we will be brought back to life, and suffer the consequences. *shivers*


Muka innocent je. Hugs!

 It's NEVER easy to be a good person. To be a good servant of God.

So don't judge, until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Let Allah judge us. What's in our innermost hearts.

May Allah keep me grounded, shelter me with love and kind reminders, protect me from my own worst enemy ~ myself.

So yeah.

Muslim women are not oppressed. Quite the contrary, we are liberated.

If you're interested, check out this fiction from Umm Zakiyyah,



If I Should Speak

 And a lot more from this incredible author. One of my favourites, without a doubt.

Check it out, check, check it out y'all.

-______-"

Ok Imma shut up now.

Looking for a place to rent?

*UPDATE*

THIS VACANCY IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE.

THANK YOU ^_^

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Haa....Berminat x? Ada swimming pool *wink wink

If you're interested, don't be shy, just drop by my friend's blog to check out more info.

.......................*slow classical music playing in the background*.....................

This was my home more than a year ago. Owh how much i miss it.

The cooking disasters, the open houses, the birthday surprises, the sleepovers, the midnight chats....Not to mention the tears and the guilt in between.

The truth is, I grew up so much in that very house.

The space is big. Bigger than most apartments we see these days. Make an appointment and come over to see for yourself. And the company? If you're a bit 'OFF' like us, you're gonna love them =p.

Excelsa di hatiku. FOREVER. ^_^